Be my valentine

I've been hounded by (variations of) one question this entire day, and yesterday ...

"Did you go out?" ... "Out with anyone?" ... "Never go out?" ... "Have a date?" "How are you celebrating Valentine's?"

My reply ... "Yes I did. Like any other weekend; with my dearest friend Angie..."

While I appreciate the concern, I think the questions are a reflection of how this day has become warped in focus and meaning. It demeans and belittles those who are home alone or have no 'significant other' (as one of my students put it) to be with. So people find reasons to get together to dispel the sense of loneliness and solitariness on a day/night that is supposed to celebrate romance.

Yet ironically, Valentine's had little to do with our contemporary notions of romance but had its epistemological roots in a religious festival commerating matyrs St. Valentine, which incidentally coincided with the Roman festival of fertility. But like most things in the modern world, it is hyped-up, commercialised, consumerised, fetishised, and ... twisted in some way.

It's not wrong to have a little fun and romance on this day but it's become a means to accentuate loneliness. Getting to town today and walking down town was a nightmarish experience of spearing through throngs of people. Traffic was horrendously horrifying and thanks to St. Valentine I could not get to the cinema on time to watch a really good movie - House of Sand and Fog - despite having already made a credit card booking! Damn!

Why has Valentine's day suddenly become so prominent in my life this year? I realised ... it is because I'm teaching. And these kids are in the thick of the excitement. But all of them are attached ... what's new? Well, most. And those who aren't are complaining about loneliness. Sad ...

Talking to Angie today over dinner, I realised once again that being single and being happily so seems to be a misnomer and/or oddity locally - and especially to kids. But the truth is, why can't people actually believe that some people would rather be alone, and be perfectly happy for it? I think I'm one of those. It doesn't mean I don't need people/friends in my life; it just means I don't need a relationship with a 'significant other' to define my life. Think many people, not just the kids, don't understand that.

But I'm certain of it so and that silly 'Bigfive' profile certainly ascertains my need for solitude. I happen to be an introvert who would rather be alone and need time alone. It's just how teaching, and many other occasions, have forced me to adapt to being otherwise. It's about role-playing eventually. Anyway, don't want to ramble on about role-playing or 'Bigfive' personality profile tests!

Closing off - about Valentine's. Beyond the teddy bears, roses, and ballons, we should perhaps use this day to assess our own dependence on others for a sense of identity; we should perhaps use this day to remind us of the people who aren't loved; we should perhaps use this day to remind ourselves of the people who love us - and the people we love. I know I did ...