Silver

How do I tell the kids that we didn't get a Gold especially when I made them believe that they could and would get one?

How do I come to terms with the reality that I too believed we stood such a good chance and would most certainly have won?

Now I have to grapple with the reality of 'failure' that I often tell my own class. I know the kids did really well and put on a great show - it was the best I've ever seen them perform. Apparently one of the judges didn't think so and was probably confounded by the complexity of what was staged judging from the remarks that he, or she, gave. What is more infuriating is perhaps the knowledge that another college attains Gold simply by placing 5 females on stage, with five blocks, ranting away angst and anxieties.

For me, it's having to deal with a shattered dream. There was sense of innate satisfaction when I saw the play being staged in its splendour. It was as if what I had envisioned many years ago had come alive - and come alive in all spectacularity. But where is the schism? Is it a failure of understanding and interpretation that led the judges to not appreciate that vision? Perhaps it is true then that many things are engenderings in my head that merely remain inaccessible and alienating - like the depth of ideas this play generates. The concept of the performance was mine, the script was mine and I felt such a part of the process. Inevitably, I feel the 'judgement' was made on me too ..

I have to live the principles which I tell my sports kids - that it is ok to fail and to lose; that success is a condition one needs to measure on his own accord; that there are always occasions to win and occasions to lose. But that perhaps is the greatest difficulty now ... I have to tell the drama kids that it is ok we came a little short of the Gold; I have to tell them that it was a victory in every way ... But I have yet myself come to terms with the reality of 'defeat'.