It is said that the eyes are the windows to the soul. Kundera writes that it is the centre of the face's beauty; the point where a person's identity is concentrated.
The validity of this statement is no better testified, for me, than this period of time ever since I embarked on a rash, hasty, and risky decision to do LASIK ... in Thailand. There has been no other time which I have been that focussed and concerned about my eyes than this period of time.
The tales about prosthetics and lobotimisation seem fearfully more real than fiction especially since I underwent a hi-tech surgery that cured myopia - an impossibility unheard of not so long ago. It is a paradox of emotions. On the one hand, one feels glad that a plaguing occular illness has been cured, on the other, one feels 'bastardised' by technology. It is an inexplicable feeling. It is as though the body has become an object for experimentation and consciousness is distinct from the physicality of oneself.
I've been tracking my vision everyday since the surgery as this is the period which stabilisation of the sight occurs. The right eye, after surgery, is weaker than the left particularly because of the astigmatism induced, I suspect, by the less-than-proficient surgeon. It's a small 'complication' which I intend to correct soon. But what amuses yet shocks me is the nonchalance at which I have come to adopt - one that progressed from fear, frustration, then apathy. The right eye fails to see as sharply as the left (which happens to be 6/6) due to the double-vision caused by the astigmatism when reading numerals or letters. Yet with both eyes, the problem seems to dissipate (till such time one tries to see with the right eye alone).
The fear returned again on Friday because of a small mishap. While enjoying a game of frisbee (and enjoying thoroughly the time spent with the adorable kids), the small, plastic, rapidly revolving disc flew straight into the right eye (how 'fateful'). For a moment I was blinded but the vision was restored shortly with a blurness. I was a little stunned and concerned particularly since the surgery was just about 8 weeks ago. I think the kids were more distraught than I was.
The vision in the right eye now seems to be worse than what it was before the accident. I'm not certain if it's the medication that has caused the pressure in the eye to build (as was warned by the opthalmalogist) or if the accident had caused some permanent injury. Whatever the case, it is certainly frustrating to be caught with a 'double-vision' of perfection and imperfection - built ironically into one occular process. Apart from the frustration (that the right eye should be as good as the left!), it's giving me a headache!
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