Farewell

Francis left for Perth today to further his ambitions, and dream, of becoming a vetenerian.

Apart from feeling the sadness and loss of a close friend and 'brother', the realisation that events, people, persons, relationships, sights, sounds, emotions, thoughts, time and life itself is so painfully transient is sobering. Apart from memories, which are equally subject to the erosions of time and absence, nothing much really lasts forever.

The tear-filled expression, when he held his daughter and wife before he parted, and the warm farewells he made to the climbing kids that were there were indeed a sight to remember. It was then that I came to the realisation he is yet another person that has left this school, and in some ways, my life. Although I'm sure I'd get to see him again in time, it'll not ever be quite the same.

Exactly a week ago Phyllida's contract with the Ministry, and thankfully this school, ended. She's been wanting to leave for quite a while - for various reasons among which is the decrepit atmosphere that pervades the staff culture. Yet, on that day, I know she felt a strong sense of nostalgia and unwillingness to leave. She stayed for longer than necessary, packing her belongings and clearing her table. I tried to spend some time with her but the demands of my work called me away and I was fretting over the usual to-dos. Upon reflection, I felt a strong sense of guilt. I was too busy to fully empathise or support a close friend and colleague on her last day ... When she had gone and I returned back to the staff room, I passed her cubicle only to see it completely emptied. It was only then that it hit me - she was no longer going to turn up every morning nor sit at her desk in front of mine - the moments had passed.

Although we've met since and shared moments of our friendship, I realised, in the recesses of my mind, that things have changed - not the friendship; that would always be - but the experience. It is the experience of coming to work knowing that you have friends close by to rely on and talk to. It's the experience of finding companionship and love at the work place amidst the coldness and vicious politics.

Now both Francis and Phyllida are gone. And in a month or so, Phyl will leave for China for her new teaching appointment.

And when the end of the year comes, more of my friends will leave this place. As Phyl says, as much as we choose to deny it or detest this school because of its problems and illnesses, it was part of our lives - it's a large part of mine. I am here now, in school, watching over students at a camp. Spending such long hours at this workplace, giving so much to it, how could it not hurt to leave it?

Is that why people stay a lifetime in the same place and never quite move? Yet that is nowhere admirable because it is fear - of change - that keeps them bolted here. And when that happens, stagnation sets in. One stops growing.

I've been thinking a lot about what I want to do in the near future. I have another year and a half before the bond expires. I've always, before this, wanted to pursue further studies. I still do - I'm just not half as certain as I was a year ago. I've come to love, very much, what I do. I've become 'comfortable' ... I am beginning to fear change.

*Here's wishing you and your new life in Perth well. All the best my friend.